I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
