so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
