I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
