my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He better not be in your backpack
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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