Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
