STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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