dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
