the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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