omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
