We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
No stitches, just platelets and will power
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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