u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
