I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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