found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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