Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
