normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she smelled like a LAN party
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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