I don't usually arrange sex via text message
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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