i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
