I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize