Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize