I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
