if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
