he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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