Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
