I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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