i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
