Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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