ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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