so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You may now shotgun with the bride
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
