apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
did i walk over a car last night?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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