I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
