I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
