I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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