I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
