dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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