We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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