i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
