Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
