I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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