My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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