five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
