it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
