the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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