I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
