also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
