Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
