i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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