Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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