I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
