The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
