tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
