you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
