Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
