Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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