Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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