What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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