never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
