Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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