i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
