She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
