i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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