I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
