Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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