maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize