Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
