My friends, they love my intelligence
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
