I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
