it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
